Catching Feelings In a Colorful Darkness

People fight so hard to find happiness and it just ain't right. It's all about ethics and morality. How far would you go to be with the one you love? Love makes people do some really crazy things. So what are you suppose to do when you want to claim someone or someone wants to claim you?
They say love is a beautiful thing, but then again love is cruel, blind, and deceiving. If you ever meet me you'll say I'm bitter and you might be right. Maybe I just gave my heart to easily and it got ripped apart like a thousand times. The truth is I got rejected from every guy I ever liked, but with time I learned I wasn't the problem. I always fell for the bad boy. You can say I gave up on love because of my experience with rejection. I'm just emotional. That was high school now I'm in college. I'm 20 years old and I never had a boyfriend. I never had a first date or kiss. Back then I would of been sad about it but now it's like whatever. I don't chase love anymore; it has to chase me. I've grown so much since high school and I'm proud of myself.
Most of the girls I went to high school with are pregnant but they where sleazy to begin with anyway. I feel bad for them but that's their life. I'm still depressed but I'm still fighting for happiness. I used to pray for happiness but I learned that you have to go out and get it. It's not going to come so easy. I am still angry at all the guys who made me feel so miserable in high school but I forgave them. I'm angry at myself for not standing up for myself in high school; so I will not cherish those high school days.
I've been waiting my whole life to break free from the chains that bind me in this miserable darkness. However, I'm slowly catching feelings in a colorful darkness. Even though my pain is great and my tears form oceans something in me won't give up. I'm letting go of my only best friend because she was never a true friend. She always chose to hang out with losers who only care about drinking and getting high. We've know each other for 12 years and she never called me for my birthday. I'm the only person who cared about her; I always encouraged her to stay in school and prosper in her life but she chose the losers over me. I'm not sad at all and it shocks me. I loved her so much but she has hurt me too much, and it's time I let her go. I haven't told her yet because I'm confused. She is so messed up that I feel bad about telling her I don't want to be her friend anymore. What do I do?!
I promised myself I wouldn't get emotional about this but I really don't know what to do. We haven't talked in like 8 months and she comes and calls me. Guess what she says. She tells me she moved in with her boyfriend (loser) in his parent's house basement. She's lost her mind that's what I think.
Anyway, I am trying my best not to be so miserable. I talk to people more and I'm trying not to be a jerk to people. I am also trying to smile more but that's hard because I'm not happy yet. It's a process I'm going through and this blog and music is my therapy. I don't want a boyfriend anymore; they are over-rated. I like being single. Now I look in the mirror at myself and see how beautiful I am, how great I am, how smart I am, how sexy I am, how talented I am, and how wonderful I am. I'm catching feelings in a colorful darkness.