College is a suppose to be a great experience. Its where you are suppose learn more about yourself and liberate yourself from your childhood and enter into adulthood. I'm a junior in college and since I've been there I haven't made a friend. I have been too focused with getting good grades, working to pay for school, and dealing with my misery. I don't have a life! All I do is go to school and work.
Is not that I don't want friends; I'm just to messed up right now. I don't trust anybody because I'm too afraid of getting hurt again. It's no body's fault but my own why I'm so weird. College wasn't suppose to be like this. In high school, I was made fun of and humiliated most of the time. I was always a quite and shy person. However, its not my fault I'm so weird. My extended family is weird. My father's side of the family doesn't even talk to each other and my mother's side of the family is falling apart.
When I was in middle school my father didn't let me talk to or hang out with guys. My parents were very strict when I was younger. Now I don't know how to talk to guys. I'm 20 years old and never had a first date. How sad, right? I used to have a lot a friends, but I got so depressed because guys thought I was ugly that I close myself of to everybody when I was in the ninth grade. People would tell me to wear makeup and dress differently but that's not me. I don't like to mess around to much with my appearance; a pony tail and comfortable clothes is just fine with me. I don't wear sweats; I wear hoodies and jeans and I always match. I still dress like I did in high school but with more variety and more expensive brands.
I don't shop much anymore though because college is expensive. My father struggles to pay for my education. My responsibility is to pay for my books and he pays part of the tuition while I have to get a loan to pay the other part of the tuition. We're a middle class family but I have two other siblings who have to go to college too. I tell you its hard because the economy is bad.
My mother says I should go to therapy but I say, "No, No, No!" Hopefully with time I'll get over this weirdness without drugs. I don't want to be prescribed drugs just because the psychiatrist thinks I've got a problem. I know I've got a problem but I'll worry about that after I find a way to pay for school. I think the government should help people who really want to go to college pay for it. I'm a very good student and I get basically nothing to pay for school. The government thinks I don't need the money just because my parents own their own house. My father is the only one that works to support 5 people. The government knows that and does nothing. I see so many people in my school with the same situation and I just get so frustrated.
I work about 35 hours a week and I save as much as I can to pay for my college loan. It's hard because I only make $8.50/hr. However, I see college as an investment because hopefully when I graduate I'll get a really good job that will return 10 times the sum of what I'm paying for school.
I also know I can't live my life alone. I know I need to make friends, but now it seems hard for me to make a friend because I don't trust anybody. I am so reserved its scary. I am not able to let anybody in. I'm just so messed up; I need a makeover and a vacation. No, what I really want is the money I need to pay for school and my loan. I will get the money somehow; I'll work two jobs even but I will get the money! I'm a fighter and I will not lose.
Is not that I don't want friends; I'm just to messed up right now. I don't trust anybody because I'm too afraid of getting hurt again. It's no body's fault but my own why I'm so weird. College wasn't suppose to be like this. In high school, I was made fun of and humiliated most of the time. I was always a quite and shy person. However, its not my fault I'm so weird. My extended family is weird. My father's side of the family doesn't even talk to each other and my mother's side of the family is falling apart.
When I was in middle school my father didn't let me talk to or hang out with guys. My parents were very strict when I was younger. Now I don't know how to talk to guys. I'm 20 years old and never had a first date. How sad, right? I used to have a lot a friends, but I got so depressed because guys thought I was ugly that I close myself of to everybody when I was in the ninth grade. People would tell me to wear makeup and dress differently but that's not me. I don't like to mess around to much with my appearance; a pony tail and comfortable clothes is just fine with me. I don't wear sweats; I wear hoodies and jeans and I always match. I still dress like I did in high school but with more variety and more expensive brands.
I don't shop much anymore though because college is expensive. My father struggles to pay for my education. My responsibility is to pay for my books and he pays part of the tuition while I have to get a loan to pay the other part of the tuition. We're a middle class family but I have two other siblings who have to go to college too. I tell you its hard because the economy is bad.
My mother says I should go to therapy but I say, "No, No, No!" Hopefully with time I'll get over this weirdness without drugs. I don't want to be prescribed drugs just because the psychiatrist thinks I've got a problem. I know I've got a problem but I'll worry about that after I find a way to pay for school. I think the government should help people who really want to go to college pay for it. I'm a very good student and I get basically nothing to pay for school. The government thinks I don't need the money just because my parents own their own house. My father is the only one that works to support 5 people. The government knows that and does nothing. I see so many people in my school with the same situation and I just get so frustrated.
I work about 35 hours a week and I save as much as I can to pay for my college loan. It's hard because I only make $8.50/hr. However, I see college as an investment because hopefully when I graduate I'll get a really good job that will return 10 times the sum of what I'm paying for school.
I also know I can't live my life alone. I know I need to make friends, but now it seems hard for me to make a friend because I don't trust anybody. I am so reserved its scary. I am not able to let anybody in. I'm just so messed up; I need a makeover and a vacation. No, what I really want is the money I need to pay for school and my loan. I will get the money somehow; I'll work two jobs even but I will get the money! I'm a fighter and I will not lose.
1 comment:
Hi,
Thanks for posting on my blog. You asked how to get the story from your mind to the paper. Well, from reading your blog I'd say you were pretty good at spilling your thoughts onto the page in a clear and interesting way.
I was also told by teachers that I was a good writer, but I wanted to write poems at first too. Perhaps it is the best way to offload your immediate thoughts (well, there's blogs too!) and make an artistic statement.
I know what you mean about high school, but college can be pretty cool. There's lots more people in the same boat as you and they have all got confusions and worries they need to share with someone.
The work is all well and good, but I think college is about finding yourself and other people can help you do that...
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